


A Frank Discussion

by alessandralee



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 07:22:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1217512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alessandralee/pseuds/alessandralee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Skye pesters Jemma about the size of Fitz's junk, and the conversation slowly turns to Ward's romantic history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Frank Discussion

**Author's Note:**

> As a warning, in case you haven't figured it out, this fic includes multiple references to male genitalia. However, it all stays in discussion.
> 
> Written for Day Four of Ward x Simmons Ship Week on tumblr for the theme "history." Also I am helpless to resist girl talk.

“For the last time Skye, I do not know anything about the length or girth of Fitz’s penis, nor do I feel comfortable speculating on it?”

In retrospect, Jemma should have actually opened the door to make sure Skye was the only one nearby before screaming this. She was lucky is was only Agent May walking past Skye, and she made no acknowledgement of what she had undoubtedly heard, only continuing to walk toward the lounge. Skye blew into Jemma’s bunk and perched on the end of the bed before Jemma could test whether it was scientifically possible to force the floor to swallow you whole.

“Fine,” she said, as though May hadn’t just heard Jemma’s outburst, “but did he have any girlfriends when you guys were at the Academy? Did they seem particularly, you know, satisfied?”

Involuntarily, Jemma’s nose crinkles in disgust.

“He had exactly one girlfriend at the Academy, and I think the only satisfaction she got was from mooching off his projects. As for the women he dated while we were with Sci-Ops, I have no idea how satisfied they were. Now can we please talk about absolutely anything other than Leopold Fitz’s phallus?” 

She didn’t mean to snap at Skye, really, but Fitz was like family, she didn’t want to think of him any further unclothed than that ill-advised beach trip they’d taken after graduation. It had ended with him getting sun poisoning and both of them spending the last two days in their air-conditioned hotel rooms. 

“Okay then, how much do you think Ward is packing down there?” Skye asked with a waggle of her eyebrows.

“Why would I know anything about that? I’ve never even thought about Ward’s penis. As far as I’m concerned, he might as well not have one.”

Perhaps that last part was a bit of an oversell.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

It was definitely an oversell.

“Okay, so now that you’ve proven that you’ve actually spent a lot of time thinking about what Ward’s got going on below the belt, what are you going to do about it?”

“I have admitted no such thing,” she protests, although Skye doesn’t seem to be buying it. “I just appreciate the high level of symmetry in his face and the way keeps his body in peak physical condition. I’m a biologist, it’s purely professional.”

“Uh-huh. Sure. Totally professional. Not a single hint of wanting to climb on top of him on one of your lab tables. And I can beat May in a fight… with one arm tied behind my back.”

This is not the first time Jemma has wished she was able to lie better.

“Listen, I think you should ask him out. Whatever that weird thing that was going on between him and May was, they called it off months ago. And you should see the way he looks at you when you’re not paying attention. But there’s no way you’re going to get him to make the first move. He’s probably never even been on a date.”

Jemma scoffs. “Of course he’s been on a date. Have you seen him? He probably has women lined up around the block to date him, a different lover in every city.”

“No one actually uses the word lover like that.”

“You get the point.”

“Sure. But he’s my SO, which means I’ve learned a few things about him. One, he joined the Navy right out of high school, then the Academy, then SHIELD. He’s been married to his job ever since. I’m guessing he hasn’t had much time for relationships, with that whole ‘I hate people and I only work alone’ shtick he had when he joined us. Until now, that is. But I’m just guessing.”

“I think you’re selling him short.”

“I think you’re giving him too much credit. We have actual proof of how much he sucks at seduction. It’s on video; I can show you again if you want. It’s great if you’re looking for a laugh.”

“There were extenuating circumstances then…”

“He’s a spy, Jemma. He should be able to seduce anyone, men, women, 80 year old lesbian-turned-nuns, cats, robots… you get the point. There’s no denying that Grant Ward sucks at people. His looks alone might get him laid, but there’s no way anyone’s sticking around for pillow talk. Except for you, of course.”

“He’s not that bad,” Jemma feels the need to defend him.

“Of course not, once you get to know him. But he’s not exactly giving many people the opportunity. But if you asked him out…”

“I am not asking anyone out on a date. Where would we even go on a date?” She really felt she had Skye with that one. There would never be time for a date. They only time the got off the Bus was for missions and, if they were lucky, a late night hotel check in while the plane was refueled.

“We have movies. I can clear Fitz out for a few hours so you two can snuggle up in the lounge. Or you can just skip the dating and move right to having hot sex in the lab. There’s plenty of bleach around to clean up after yourselves, just don’t tell Fitz.”

Jemma turns bright red.

“We are not having sex in the lab, although you do seem to have a major preoccupation with the idea.”

“We are not talking about me, we are talking about you and the fact that you are going to ask Grant out on a date so that the two of you can stop shooting each other dreamy looks when you don’t think anyone can see you. And I have the perfect plan.”

She’s almost afraid to ask.

“And what exactly does this plan entail?”

“I’ll be right back.”

Jemma expects Skye to return with a diagram or a prop or something equally ridiculous, as if Jemma isn’t perfectly capable of asking Grant out on a date without assistance. It’s not that she can’t, it’s that she doesn’t want to. 

Instead, Jemma returns a few minutes later, dragging a confused and sweaty Ward along behind her. He must have been in the training room.

“Ward,” Skye addresses him with a saccharine voice and a mischievous grin, “Jemma would like to show you her… chemistry set.”

Then with a quick wink in Jemma’s direction, Skye shoots off down the hall. It’s a shame, Jemma would have really liked the opportunity to yell at her.

Jemma’s face, and what feels like her entire body, turns bright red. She knows Skye was going for innuendo, and she also knows that a twelve year old could have come up with something better, but she’s still embarrassed.

Grant, for his part, just seems ever more confused. She hopes that means he didn’t understand what Skye was angling for.

“I have no idea what she means by that. You’ve seen the lab. Nothing special down there, just chemicals and microscopes and… lab tables.”

Great, now she can’t think of lab tables without thinking about a naked Grant Ward. Even Jemma knows she sounds suspicious.

“Sure, she can be a bit weird sometimes. I’m going to finish my workout; I’ll see you at dinner. Fitz is cooking, right?”

All she can do is nod. There was no way he didn’t completely see through her awkwardness, but he seems to be letting her off the hook.

Not that she’s complaining.

He heads back down to the training room, and Jemma can’t help by admire the way his thin white t-shirt clings to his sweat soaked back. For clearly professional reasons, of course.


End file.
